Why do they need to have some guy saying, “I did the math on this never ending pasta combination, and there’s 42 different possibilities!” And then the lame comeback by his friend, “While you’re doing the math, I’m doing the marinara.” Or whatever the hell they say.  What the hell Olive Garden?  How is that funny or needed?  Then you finish up the awesome commercial with, “Wow math has never tasted so good” <input canned laughter>.   I seriously would have told whoever that was at my table that their talking privileges have been revoked.

This is what you do, Olive Garden V.P. of Marketing: STOP THE CURRENT COMMERCIALS AND FIRE WHOEVER MADE THOSE DECISIONS.  Return to informing your customers about your food, with close-ups of pasta.  That is what is going to get people to come there.  Did you do any focus group testing on this advertising?  How much money did you waste by throwing these horrible commercials into TV land?

Better yet, let me give you the phone number of my girlfriend who is great at Marketing, and she’ll quickly inform you all how retarded your ads have been.  Finally, let’s just focus on what works for food/restuarant companies, showing what kind of food you have and the promotions on those items, and ignore the fact that everyone else does funny ads, because it doesn’t work for you.

To many of you this may seem odd, but Broc is a very strange person and loves getting anything!  Now the first thing that we can see on the left is a nice Sudoku puzzle.  Well this is actually the last gift I gave Broc.  I had an extremely hard time finishing this puzzle, and informed him he could cut out around the puzzle (removing the message I wrote him) and claim it for himself, enhacing his coolness by 10 fold (this was an estimation based on his coolness of that day).  Next we see a stapler that the lovely department assistant gave him.  While he seemed to enjoy this, he was saddened a bit to think he might not have any staples!  Here was my first gift: staples!  After he thanked me, he made a sly comment about my yard stick, which seconds later, was his 2nd gift.  Now, most of you may think “What the…” to the gift, but Broc simply loves sticks.

I am not sure who gave him the card, but that doesn’t compare to the last item we see, the broom.  Broc loves to keep clean, so I thought to myself, “What does a person who has already received so much, need?”  Well the perfect gift was the marvelous broom.

So to sum it up, Broc was so estatic that he sent me this picture of all his work gifts.  I hope everyone had as exciting of a day as Broc did.  And in conclusion: Happy Birthday Broc.

Basically pennies on the dollar could mean $.99 on the $1.  After all, 99 pennies still fits the phrase and that’s 1% savings, which to anyone is shit. Put it this way, going to go to a department store because they have your favorite brand on sale for 1% would absolutely annoy anyone. Unless we are talking about a very large purchase (car, boat, house) 1% does not seem like a very good deal. Yet when watching infomercials early in the morning, the salesperson is trying to convince me that “pennies on the dollar” would mean huge savings.

Of course it would be, but that wouldn’t leave them a very good profit, so we can assume we are not getting the greatest deal of our lives like the advertisement suggestions. Anyhow, just wanted to share with you all my random thought process after a night of consuming adult beverages, chowing down on some cereal before bed.

Wolfman

Wolfman and the other characters were a spoof from the Munsters.

Tyrone Biggums

Tyrone is crackhead who in one episode smokes a huge really expensive crack rock after selling a friend’s home.

Leonard Washington

Appeared in Trading Spouses and The World Series of Dice.

Clayton Bigsby

Black KKK member who didn’t know he was black.

Tron Carter

Tron had to go to court where he pleaded the “Fif”

Samuel L. Jackson

“I’m not yelling, this is just how I talk!”

Rick James

“I’m Rick James bitch.”

R Kelley

“I wanna piss on you, drip drip drip.”

Prince

“Want some pancakes bitches?”

President Black Bush

The title should explain it all.

P-Diddy

This skit shows “P-Diddy” eating a white donut, being carried by his bodyguards, and sending the contestants of “Making the Band” around town for stupid things.

Lil Jon

“Is this going to reflect on my frequent flyer miles? What? Yeah!”

Howard Dean

It’s Howard Dean! Wait. No. It’s Dave Chappelle. Even Better.”

Dylan – Spit Hot Fire (Making The Band)

Making the band member Dylan (pronounced Dilawn) who says, “I spit hot fire”. Same skit as with P-Diddy.

Black Gallagher

Smashing watermelon’s isn’t enough for Black Gallagher.

1. Weightlifting commentator: ‘This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning during her warm up and it was amazing.’

2. Dressage commentator: ‘This is really a lovely horse and I speak from personal experience since I once mounted her mother.’

3. Paul Hamm, Gymnast: ‘I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father.’

4. Boxing Analyst: ‘Sure there have been injuries, and even some deaths in boxing, but none of them really that serious.’

5. Softball announcer: ‘If history repeats itself, I should think we can expect the same thing again.’

6. Basketball analyst: ‘He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn’t like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces.’

7. At the rowing medal ceremony: ‘Ah, isn’t that nice, the wife of the IOC president is hugging the cox of the British crew.’

8. Soccer commentator: ‘Julian Dicks is everywhere. It’s like they’ve got eleven Dicks on the field.’

9. Tennis commentator: ‘One of the reasons Andy is playing so well is that, before the final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them… Oh my God, what have I just said?’

A carrot, an egg, and a cup of coffee…You will never look at a cup of coffee the same way again.

A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up. She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘Tell me what you see.’ ‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, mother?’

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After the y were in the boiling water , they had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this: Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength.

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a financial hard ship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavor. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest, do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything that comes their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

May we all be COFFEE!

So for any person that drives a KIA, I will look at you and think “does this dumbass know which side his gas tank is on?” just because of the commercial. Sorry for all you KIA drivers, I am now blinded by the all mighty television and must therefore label you as dumb. Anyone drive a KIA care to defend the makers of you car who make you look so foolish, I’d be glad to hear from you.
Just wanted to rant and get my mind off of some things. Looking to make this blog a little more livelier than normal, and would glad to hear any opinions.